Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
