you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
