the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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