Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He passed out mid-signature
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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