After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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