Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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