This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
