thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
