the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
