And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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