I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
