Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Small penises have feelings too.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
