there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
