My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
