Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
