I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
