i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
