So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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