you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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