We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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