just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
