he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
