You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
