just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
