We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I woke up under a house in Key West
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