Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
