just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
