He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
