you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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