I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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