FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize