just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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