I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
