Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
