all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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