We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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