I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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