Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
