dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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