when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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