So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
