I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
