so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize