i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
