Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
