I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
