i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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