I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
