don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
