well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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