Your dad touched me again.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You were trust falling into bushes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
