Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
