He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
