I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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