the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
