med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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