I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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