I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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