my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
