sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
