so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
