Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
