he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
