i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
