Me. At least after what I've been through.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize