you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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