My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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