The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sext me about skeletons
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