How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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