Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
