I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize