i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
