Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
