3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
