so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
