The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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