I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your penis caused this!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
