we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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