Pregnant stripper...not hot.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
